meia-noite é hora de ir para cama!!!
…meus amigos reclamam que eu não saio a noite durante a semana.
Always reading, always writing…
I don’t know what to say. I think I never felt so tired of living. I’m so sick of all those mean people in my life! When I lay down, the only thing I can do is cry. Cry and cry and cry. I get no sleep. I try to remain calm, but it has been so difficult the last days. The only things that seem to calm me down are read and write. So I’m always writing and always reading. After one day, I feel so tired. I have horrible headaches and the only thing I want to do is sleep, but every fucking time I try to sleep I start to cry. I feel so sad and I have no idea why!
I feel depressive, but… I don’t want to die! I really love me! It is just… life is so so so sad to me. People are sad. The world seems such a crazy place.
I either dress like im going to a red carpet event or like im a homeless drug addict there is no in between
September to-do list
I know it’s already 17th of September, but I need to change my behavior and I decided to make a to-do list to see if I get better in the things I need to improve.
- Speak with my 15 best friends every day (bitches, you’re gonna hate me soon) - Lara, when you say speak is REALLY speak. Meet, call, skype them.
- Talk with 5 “new” people/day
- Study 1 hour/day
- Clean the house 1 hour/day
- Eat something WITHOUT GLUTEN every 3 hours
We broke up, I broke up with him. Actually, I think “break up” is not the right term because we have never been in a relationship, but the main point is that thing we had, that thing is over. I think I was mean because he was sick and I didn’t listen to him. I was expecting some reaction, but all I received was the “I understand” talk. Of course, I couldn’t picked a worst day. He was sick and I didn’t care for him. I said that I couldn’t stay with him and pointed all the problems we had. I was as bad as he was with me.
Someway I already regret what I did. I think maybe I should have stayed for a little while… longer. I think I should have fought for him. I never said “I love you” because I didn’t think I was falling in love with him, but since we are not together (these amazing 5 hours that I have been crying like the world is going to be over tomorrow) I feel that I loved him. I feel I love him. I can see all the flaws and weaknesses he has and I still think he is an amazing person.
I don’t know.
I have so many doubts.
I believe the main thing now is remain calm because… really? What can I do? He already said to me that he doesn’t trust me and doesn’t believe in me. He said “I’m sorry”, he said “I’m very sorry”, he said “Sorry again”, but.. I don’t think he meant and I decided to end. I strongly believe he will come back if he cares and likes me. If he doesn’t, who wanted someone like this?